It’s natural to worry about whether or not your child is ready to graduate to big brother or big sister.

This will be our third graduation to “older sibling” and I’m still a little nervous about it! Is our youngest ready for this? Will he like the baby? Will he resent the new addition? What parts of his personality will emerge during the initial routine shake ups?

Round 1

With our two oldest, I was pleasantly surprised by their reactions to their new siblings. Our oldest son was only 22 months old when we brought home his little sister. We’d tried to prepare him by referring to the baby inside me as “his baby.” We gave him plenty of opportunities to feel sister saying hello from inside my tummy and we used baby dolls to practice how to hold and act around new babies.

When he finally met his sister, he was in love. He was very excited to see that she had two eyes, a nose, a mouth, etc. He thought her hiccups were hilarious, and he was eager to learn all about her.

Round 2

When our daughter became a big sister, I’d never seen her so giddy! She was just over 2 years old when she met her little brother. He’d just been delivered, cleaned off, and had about 15 minutes to gain his bearings before she burst into the room with all her sun-shiny enthusiasm! She was eager to hold him and be a mother hen to him and sing to him all her favorite songs.

When he came home, she welcomed him into the house and routines with open arms. For a child who has always appreciated predictability, this transition went very smoothly!

Key Take Aways

There are a few consistencies that I really think helped during these family transition periods. Hopefully they can be helpful for you too!

Integration: When a new baby joins the family, it is an integration, not an invasion. Try to make the baby feel a part of the family well before the actual delivery. We’ve always referred to our babies in utero as “your baby” and “our baby” rather than “Mommy’s baby.” When we play music, we talk about whether or not the baby is enjoying the song. When we read books, we ask baby what they think will happen next. When we’ve integrated the baby into our conversations in advance of delivery, I really think it has helped the new siblings begin bond.
Expectations: A little expectation adjustment can go a long way. Just like when you take your kid in for shots, the truth of the situation might sting a little, but it helps put everyone into a resilient, flexible frame of mind. Be honest about what your child can expect. “When we bring baby home, there will be some things that will be different. Mommy will need to rest a lot, and we will need to spend a lot of time taking care of the baby… (etc).” Don't be afraid to be frank! But also be sure to list out some things that won’t change. “We are still going to have breakfast, lunch and dinner (even if it’s a little late some of the time). We are still going to snuggle and read lots of books. You will still have your special blanket, and you can even show it to baby if you would like! And most important, I will still love you forever and ever!”
Practice: Little ones don’t naturally know how to behave around an infant There are certain ways to touch and not touch a newborn. There are certain noise levels that can help baby feel safe and calm. The list goes on! It is really helpful to find a baby doll to practice with. We found it helpful to practice, practice, practice using soft hands, quiet voices, little kisses on the top of the head, holding baby with help without getting offended, and gently giving baby back to Mommy when we’re “all done.”
Helpers: Whether you are having a scheduled delivery or are hoping to go into labor spontaneously, “go time” can be a little scary for the little ones staying behind. Having a line up of reliable helpers that your child knows and is familiar with makes a world of difference! Allow them to have a conversation with your child in advance. “I’m going to come over when it’s time for Mommy have have your baby and we’re going to have so much fun! We’ll have breakfast, and lunch, read some fun books, color a picture for you to give to Mommy and maybe even visit a park. Do you have any questions for me? Is there anything you’d like us to do together on our fun day (or days)?"

You know your child better than anyone else in the world! You are an expert on what will work to help your child transition to being an older sibling. No matter what you do, applying a little bit of intention along the way will make a huge difference.

When mommies get sick, and sometimes they do, how to things change for me and for you?

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When mommies get sick, and sometimes they do, how to things change for me and for you? 〰️