As I near the end of my fourth and final trip through Hyperemesis Gravidarum, I can’t help but reflect back on some of the things HG has taught me.

Could it possibly be worth the climb?

Have you ever stood at the bottom of a mountain and looked up?

The journey to the top looks like it could go on forever. And from your viewpoint, what if it does?! You can’t see how far it is to the top, or how steep it gets. Does that mean you don’t begin the climb?

The first time around, my husband and I got ourselves into an HG pregnancy in complete ignorance. We started that uphill climb with no map, no trail, no elevation change stats. We thought we would be taking a lovely mountain stroll, and found ourselves navigating unknown territory as we kept moving onward and upward.

Getting to the top of that mountain was a feat. But having made it to the top, I can assure you, the view was worth every minute.

Could you ask for a better view than that?!

Here we go again

Things change once you’ve been through the journey once.

There was a very real perspective change after having made that first trek. There was a lot more mental preparation as we embarked on pregnancies 2, 3, 4, and now 5.

In the early stages of this current pregnancy, I was at the base of the mountain, looking up, and feeling completely overwhelmed. As the sickness hit, I felt strong. I felt ready to take it on. As the weeks wore on, I wore down. I rounded the corners of weeks 8, 9, 10, 11… and the sickness was only getting worse and worse.

I began looking up the trail. It was so steep, I could barely see a few steps ahead of me.

I felt all the feels. I felt despair. I felt hopeless. I felt exhausted. I felt exasperated.

How could I possibly go on like this for another 30 weeks?!

The only way out of that particular rabbit hole was to focus 100% of my mental energy on where I was in that particular moment.

I learned to stop looking ahead and just be in the moment. If you can survive the moment, you advance on to the next, and the next, until you are able to survive the day. As you survive each day, the days turn into weeks. As you survive each week. the weeks miraculously turn into months.

This week, I finally dared to glance up at what is left ahead. 3 weeks. There are 3 weeks left.

I can’t help but lose my breath at the thought of having made it this far!

Lessons Learned

Having made it this far, I have a lot of thoughts running through my head!

I can surprise myself. I DON’T have everything figured out. Especially what I am and am not capable of.
I am so much stronger than I thought I was. There is a real, internal strength that pushes you a little further forward each time you are ready to give up - all you have to do to access it is to keep a flicker of hope alive.
The human body is a miracle. There is no way baby and I should have been able to survive MONTHS of starvation and malnutrition. Yet we continued to grow. We continued to progress. And I know I will continue to heal as time goes on.
You can get through anything this life has to throw at you with faith, determination and love. Sometimes it feels like your prayers are falling on deaf ears. But time and patience prove that is never the case. Sometimes it feels like sheer willpower isn’t enough to sustain you. But willpower and determination are funny forces. Just when you think you’ve run that well dry, a few more drops will show up just for fun. Sometimes it feels you’ve exhausted every possible resource. But focusing your mind on love becomes a regenerating resource all its own. Love FOR my baby, for my husband, for my family and for myself has been a source of survival. But I was surprised when love FROM my baby, my husband and my family became a life-giving resource. More on that another time…
When you give yourself grace, you can accomplish a lot more of what really matters. You can unapologetically simplify - without any guilt! This may turn into a separate blog post too… Stay tuned friends :)

I am SO PROUD of myself. I am so genuinely proud of everything I’ve made it through these last 9 months. I’ve been proud of myself in the past for completing a task, or creating something beautiful, or responding well to something. But this one takes the cake right now. I’m practically at the summit of the hardest mountain I have ever attempted to climb. And I have to say, I have been legitimately smiling at myself in the mirror for having gotten through it. I’m crazy about that girl I see.

Thank you HG. I won’t be scaling your cliff faces ever again, but these lessons and the many more you’ve painstakingly carved into my soul will stay with me forever.

When mommies get sick, and sometimes they do, how do things change for me and for you?

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When mommies get sick, and sometimes they do, how do things change for me and for you? 〰️