The First Step in Effectively Parenting a Child with Big Feelings
This week, I’m so excited to have Emily Hamblin of “Enlightening Motherhood” present a post about effectively parenting an emotionally intense child. Emily is the creator and co-host of the Enlightening Motherhood podcast & life coaching business. As a mom of 4 (ages 1-11), former foster mom of 27, and educator of all ages, she definitely understands what it’s like to feel overwhelmed with your children’s intense behaviors & emotions. Her mission is simple yet strong: to empower moms to calmly & confidently handle their children’s big feelings & behaviors, so motherhood won’t seem so hard, and so there can be more peace at home.
We’ve all seen it before. The weather has been amazing, so you decide to bring your kids to the park. The baby is showing signs of needing a nap and it’s getting close to lunch time, so you let the kids know it’s time to go. You give them the 5, then 3, then 1 minute warning, just like the lady on Instagram said to do. But when it’s time to go and you try gathering up your kids, you have one child that *still* becomes highly emotional. Maybe his lip starts quivering and he bursts into tears, or she starts to yell and scream because she wants to stay and play. You try all those parenting scripts you heard online, but you can’t avoid it. You are now in public facing a full-on meltdown from your child.
First of all, this is caused by something much deeper than not just wanting to leave the park. My free Meltdown Cheatsheet is an excellent resource for you to *really* get to the root of the meltdown (which I highly recommend).
But, even still, there you are at the park. Unable to calm your child and get them to stop making such a scene, with a baby on your hip and trying to put velcro shoes on your screaming child, you feel yourself start to get shaky. Maybe you want to burst into tears, have an urge to go hide in your car, or you’re fuming and want to start screaming, too. But you keep a calm face on (at least you think you do) since you’re in public, even though inside you’re stormy.
When your kid rips one of the shoes off of his foot and throws it at your face, though, you completely lose it. You don’t care who is watching - you are NOT going to allow your child to treat you like that! You scream something at your child - you can’t remember what, because your rage is just too high - then you pick him up by the waist, and hoist him (along with everything else) to your car, strap on everyone's seatbelts, and drive home while still steaming. As your own intense emotion begins to clear, you feel layers of emotions that begin popping up. Guilt, shame, sadness, hopelessness, stress, insecurity…just to name a few.
How do I know all of this? Because I’ve been there. And I know you don’t have to stay there. Parenting a child with big feelings can SO often bring out the big feelings in us, too. And so much of the parenting advice is hardcore set on changing your child’s behavior - but there is a problem. They tend to gloss right over the first step of parenting an emotionally intense child - and that is to learn to manage your own emotions.
For years I thought I was yelling so much because I just lacked willpower to do anything else. I did NOT want to yell, and I was (am) a kind, patient, loving mom… but when my emotions tipped, I would snap, and lose control. It took me longer than I care to admit to learn the skills to *really* show up calm - even when my child is misbehaving - and to increase 100 times over my effectiveness in helping my child learn to manage their own behavior. Learning to regulate my own big feelings has been key as the first step to helping my child handle theirs.
While not perfect, my yelling is down <90%, and what’s more, I am able to stay calm not just externally, but also internally - even when my children are misbehaving or outright melting down. And I am so passionate about empowering other mothers to do the same that I am offering a ”How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids” workshop. This interactive workshop (with replays available) isn’t just for yellers, either. It’s for anyone who wants to know my proven method for staying calm when your children are storming, practical tips for ditching mom guilt, and is for moms who love their children deeply but just need some extra support to be able to show up the way you really want to.
This workshop is already an incredible value at just $29, but to make it even easier for you to bring more light into your motherhood, you can use promo code PURPOSE10 to snag it for just $19.
You won’t regret registering. What’s more, your children, your husband, and maybe even your neighbors will thank you - but even more, you will be thanking yourself for taking that first, important step to be able to effectively parent a child with intense emotions & behaviors.
~Emily Hamblin
Be sure to check out “When Mommies Get Sick,” “Watching Over Angels,” and “Hyperemesis Gravidarum: My HG Journal” on Amazon!
