Back to School PSA
One of the most beautiful scenes in children’s literature is from AA Milne’s Winnie the Pooh. As Christopher Robin and Pooh Bear discuss Christopher’s impending return to school, he tells his little bear,
”You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Christopher is ready to go back to school, armed with confidence and courage, even if it is mingled with a little sadness.
Who fed Christopher those lines that he then passed on to his beloved bear?
Get ready to buckle the proverbial seatbelt. I’m about to get on a soap box!
Our children are listening
Our children are listening.
I’ll say it again, our children are listening - very closely.
Beginning a new school year is a major life transition for children. As in any other major life transition, they watch their caregivers closely, looking for guidance and security. They are always listening to us, internalizing the model set before them. During times of change, they listen more closely than ever.
Over the last couple weeks, my social media feed has been increasingly filled with cute, funny thoughts and videos about how moms feel about back to school. There are moms jumping for joy, moms sobbing with relief, moms shoving their children out the door with shouts of salvation. As a fellow warrior experiencing end of summer burnout, it is so relatable!
I know that these moms love their children and these images, videos and words are far from a complete picture of that family’s relationship.
But I want to throw out a word of caution.
The children are listening.
Little hearts are hearing these messages and they are breaking.
The Burnout is Real
Please don’t get me wrong, burnout is completely normal. It is 100% okay to be looking forward to back to school time. I’m right there too.
And at the same time, our relationships with our children are at stake.
I know, we’re at the end of a marathon and the finish line is in sight.
But can we pause and appreciate why we’re so stinking tired?
Summer is a unique time of year. The days are longer, the weather is lovely, and adventure shines around every corner.
Summer is also a time of intense pressure for moms. Our typical village is basically decimated as soon as the last school bell rings. Everyone, including our own families, is so busy with vacations, camps, classes, outings, etc. The pressure is handed right over to the mom to figure out the daily (constantly fluctuating) schedule, how to address boredom, keeping up on housework that is constantly piling up with everyone at home, coming up with enough meals and snacks to keep everyone fed, battling with chore charts, playing referee during dozens of daily sibling squabbles, scheduling play time and parties, and so much more.
I don’t know about you, but three straight months of that always manages to burn out my executive functioning skills.
So it is okay to be burned out.
It is okay to be looking forward to the added support of the school year.
It is okay to look forward to a few hours of no one tearing the house apart.
It is okay to look forward to not having to listen to complaining, whining or fighting.
It is okay to want things to normalize out into a predictable schedule - for you AND that village you miss so much.
And the way we go about celebrating and soaking in that season of relief matters.
In Their Shoes
Have you ever felt like a burden to anyone?
Have you ever felt like, “if I just went away, everything would be so much better for the people I love most?”
Can you imagine the weight and the heartbreak of feeling like that?
That is exactly what these “hallelujah, the kids are going back to school” messages are doing to these tender little hearts.
I admire Christopher Robin’s mother.
Surely, she was the one who had been whispering into his ear enough times for it to stick:
”You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Surely, she was nearing her breaking point, having given her all to help him have a wonderful, safe, adventurous, creative, 100-acre-wood summer. Surely she was exhausted and drained, and surely she was looking forward to school time. Yet her ability to reign in her enthusiasm allowed her to give one final summer gift to her son - to arm him with confidence, connection and love as he started back to school.
What can we do to be like Christopher Robin’s mom?
We may not know a whole lot about Mrs. Robin, but I think it’s safe to draw a few conclusions.
Christopher Robin knew he was loved.
The love and care Christopher showed to his bear in sitting with him and trying to prepare him for the upcoming changes that school would bring shows us something. It shows us that Christopher was actively and presently loved. He knew how to be present and sit in the discomfort of change with Winnie the Pooh because someone had first sat through it with him.
How can we do that with our kids?
Christopher Robin knew he would be missed, and that was okay.
The fact that someone would sit down with Christopher and prepare him mentally and emotionally to return to school showed him that he would be missed, but that moving forward was okay. Just as the boy and his bear reviewed all the adventures they’d had together over the summer, someone must have done the same with Christopher. He knew he would be missed, and that was okay. He could hold space for the fun that had been had, and keep his eyes fixed on the path ahead with courage.
This shows that he had been taught how to hold more than one feeling at once. And that is a skill that will bless a child’s life forever.
By showing our kids that they can be excited, sad, nervous, happy and curious all at the same time, we broaden their perspective. By teaching them how and when to feed each of those feelings, we teach them resilience.
Christopher Robin had tools for the next steps.
By teaching him that he was braver than he believed, it gave him permission to be nervous about new people and new situations, and strength to push forward through the nerves.
By teaching him that he was stronger than he seemed, he had permission to stay curious through any growing pains that may lie ahead.
By teaching him that he was smarter than he thought, he knew that an open mind is one that can catch and soak up new things.
Aren’t each of these important school skills?
Christopher Robin had a mother who could look farther down the road than he could. She took the time to arm him with important tools for what would come with the new school year. She created a safe space at home where he felt wanted and loved.
As school starts back up, I hope and pray that we can all be mindful of how we are communicating our excitement. It’s okay to be excited for school to start back up, and don’t we want our kids to be excited too?
We can communicate our excitement for the learning and adventures that lie ahead without it coming across that we’re just so excited for them to be out of our hair.
We can communicate our gratitude for their school and the teachers that have so much to share with our children, and our eagerness to hear all about what they’ll be learning.
We can communicate our exhaustion too. We can sit down together and write down all of the fun we’ve had over the summer months and notice, “Look at all the fun we’ve had! No wonder Mommy is so tired! Aren’t you tired too? Maybe while you’re at school, I’ll take an 8 hour nap to recover from all that fun and get ready for whatever adventures we’ll have on the weekend. Do you think 8 hours will be long enough?!”
How ever we each choose to approach the upcoming school year, remember, the children are watching and listening. Now is an incredibly important time to be intentional about the messages we are sending to our little ones. We do love them, and we will miss them, and we are going to appreciate the return to our regularly scheduled programming - not because we want them to go away for as much of the day as possible, but because routines, predictability and structure are really scarce commodities during the summer months. Everything has a time and a season, and we’ll be eagerly counting down the days until next summer soon enough.
