Can You Hear Me Now?!
“Mom, why are you shouting?”
“Because!” I responded. “Sometimes I just feel like you either can’t hear me, or that you choose not to pay attention until I start raising my voice!”
The next time my 3 year old started shouting at me, it hit me. It goes both ways.
The Big Yogurt Meltdown
It was one of those days. My three year old daughter had asked me probably 5 times for some yogurt. As luck would have it, I was preoccupied wrestling with the baby, trying to get his diaper changed as he giggled and twisted all over the place. At the same time, I was also trying to answer my 5 year old’s incessant and persistent string of life's most pressing questions.
Then, my daughter started yelling and throwing a fit about the yogurt.
“Sometimes I feel like you can’t hear me unless I’m shouting!!!” That’s what she really seemed to be trying to tell me through her tantrum.
She's right! Life gets crazy and I can’t always respond to her right away. Little children find that incredibly frustrating. But you know what? It’s natural for them to get frustrated. I get frustrated too.
It was at that moment I realized it was time for a little more empathy and for a little more intention. It was time to start modeling better ways to get attention! But how?
Get Out of the Shouting Trap
When you’ve got to get through to your littles, here are a few alternatives to shouting:
When you really need your child’s attention helps to get down to their eye level. Eyes are incredibly engaging. Having your eyes close to theirs will help them focus on your words.
If you really want a child to listen to what you are saying, try saying it in a whisper. It’s irresistible! Especially if it's a bit animated!
Begin an imaginary point system. “20 points for anyone who gets their shoes on before I count to 20!” “1 million points for whoever can get their jammies on by themselves!” This has been gold at our house! We definitely prefer the imaginary point system over creating a contest (see my post on Fostering Sibling Friendships!). Making it a contest - "The first one to pick up 5 toys wins!" - pits your children against each other and, at least in our case, ends in tears and resentment.
Try inviting your child to problem-solve with you. Ask them what the best way would be to get their attention without having to shout. Small children are tiny geniuses. their answers might surprise you! Plus, if they get to be a part of the search for a solution, they'll be invested in the solutions you find. That, in turn, makes them far more compliant with whatever attention-grabbing system the two of you come up with.
Remember, if you feel like no one ever listens to you unless you are shouting, you might be surprised to find your little ones are feeling the same way!
What are your tricks to getting your kids to listen without having to shout?
When Mommies Get Sick, and sometimes they do, how to things change for me and for you?
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When Mommies Get Sick, and sometimes they do, how to things change for me and for you? 〰️
“When Mommies Get Sick”
written and illustrated by Jayne Ann Osborne
