When Mommies Get Sick
What do you do when you are so ill, you can’t even listen to an audio book or watch TV without throwing up?
You stare out the window and let your mind wander.
At least, that’s what I did.
In 2021, I spent nine months struggling with a pregnancy condition called hyperemesis gravidarum (HG, for short). Going into the pregnancy, we were fully aware I’d get very sick, but I had no idea just how hard it would hit me this time around.
This time around, it hit me so hard I was unable to sit up, unable to hold up a book, unable to zone out and watch TV… let alone get up and take care of my children. This went on for months.
Yet, you never stop being the mom.
I grappled with thoughts of “how can I mother my children in the state I am in?” “How can I connect and engage with them in this situation?” “What am I capable of giving right now?”
As I stared out the window and allowed my mind to wander, I thought about other mothers I know who have also gotten sick. I thought about other mothers I know who have had injuries and physical pains that affect their day to day ability to function.
It turns out, we all get sick.
Experiencing illness and injury is a fact of this life. Everyone does it. But how do we get through it?
A dear friend recommended an HG support group on Facebook. I joined and found a recurring theme in many of the posts. Sick mothers were continuously asking, “how do you do this with other kids at home? I feel like I’m failing my other children.”
I knew that feeling.
Then my mind began to wander to my own little ones.
As I thought about the sweet ways they’ve put forth efforts to connect with me, a little poem began to take shape in my mind.
4 months pregnant, working on illustrations while receiving IV fluids
About the Book
When Mommies Get Sick started out as a way to keep my mind occupied during the worst parts of my HG journey. It evolved into a full book that I was able to write down and illustrate during moments of relief.
It was inspired by every mom who has ever gotten sick, and by the children who help us get through it. The book basically wrote itself as I thought about all the sweet gestures of my own little ones and what the situation must look like from their side of the experience.
Within the book, you’ll find Finley the Fish, who is happily swimming off to help his mommy wash kelp for dinner. In this illustration, there is a chore chart pinned to the wall. We’d tried chore charts before at our house and they’d never really worked. However, for some reason, our three children were very excited to earn stickers for their chore charts after I got so sick! I was pleasantly surprised to find how eager they were to help out in any way they could. I guess it started to feel more like a service, or an act of kindness rather than a chore. I was so grateful for their help.
The next page features a little bird family. This illustration is a shoutout to mothers who struggle with migraines, as well as a shoutout to all the angel helpers out there. I couldn’t believe how many friends, family members and neighbors came to our rescue. It can be difficult to admit when we’re struggling, but in doing so I learned there are people all around, willing and happy to help. We just have to let them in. I know I’ll be forever in the debt of all my angel friends and family. I’ll never be able to pay them back, but I can and I will pay it forward!
We came up with a new catchphrase at our house while I was sick. “Find your own fun.” This isn’t meant to be dismissive in any way. “Find your own fun” is an invitation to get curious, get creative, and get active. The chameleon brothers may have left a mess of the crayons, but eventually they found their own fun by playing hide and seek. It may take a little trial and error to find what works for everyone involved, but once kids find their own fun and get into play mode, it is magical.
Poor Mama Snail has a cold. A sickness doesn’t have to be extreme or long term in order to merit some help and cooperation from the rest of the family. You can take a day off of work for a sick day, but you can’t take a day off of being the mom.
Our little bunny family illustration is a nod to my own little ones. During my third pregnancy, when I was sick in bed, our toddler would bring quiet toys in my room and set up a play space next to the bed. She would quietly play by my side for hours. That little gesture meant so much to me. During our last pregnancy, our three year old did the same thing. He would bring his blocks in and play next to the bed so we could spend time together. I was so touched, silent tears would stream down my cheeks. I felt so loved.
Mama owl and her daughter are anxiously awaiting the arrival of their new chick. Some pregnancies are better than others, but I’ve never met anyone who said every minute of pregnancy was a breeze. Our family had a lot of fun learning about the baby growing inside me. Each week, I’d get an email about our baby’s developmental progression. We read that email together every week. It was helpful for our little ones to know that the sickness was productive, and that what was going on inside of me was real. Knowledge is power!
At this point, the book takes a raw and real turn. When you are in survival mode, it doesn’t take much to put you over the edge, emotionally. As moms, we try to keep our cool, but sometimes we snap. That leads to sad, guilty feelings. Our little ones may not understand why the internal storms are raging, but they still love us. And that love is a powerful force. It can help soften and turn things around.
Baby bear is worried about his mama in the hospital. Children worry about their parents. Having a support system is so important. Reaching out to loved ones helps so much.
When Mommies Get Sick begins and ends with a family who knows all too well what it’s like when Mommy gets sick. This family worked together to help their mama fight off Ewings Sarcoma for almost three years. They were such an inspiring example of making the most of hard situations, I knew I had to include them in this book.
It has been such a neat experience to see When Mommies Get Sick come to life and I hope everyone who reads it will be inspired and encouraged to never give up when times get tough. I hope the children who read it will come away with ideas of how to be an active part of their own mommy’s care team when she gets sick, and will come away knowing sickness doesn’t change how much they are loved.
Happy reading!!
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